


Facing Reality

by brokenhighways



Series: Rejecting Reality [4]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Past Infidelity, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:00:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4613850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen’s happily married to Jared and everything is going perfectly.</p><p>“Perfectly?” Chris says when they meet for a beer. They’re discussing season 4, and namely how Jensen didn’t realise that the contract for the spin-off was also a contract for the fourth season.</p><p>“Yes,” Jensen says brightly. “Everything is great! Wonderful, amazing, dazzling…great.”</p><p>He runs out of adjectives after that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Facing Reality

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HermineKurotowa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HermineKurotowa/gifts).



> Fourth part of the Real Housewives J2 AU. I'll link previous parts below. This is for herminekurotowa who recc'd this series earlier this year and reminded me that I had an incomplete follow up to finish! :) Thank you to soncnica for the speedy beta!

 

**Season 4**

**LOST FOOTAGE FROM SEASON 3.**

[Text 1](http://i.imgur.com/zf2JDJt.jpg)

~

“Wait a minute, are you seriously telling me that you have a half-sister?” Jared looks confused. And okay so maybe Jensen should have told him a lot earlier. Possibly before the week they’re supposed to be getting married.

“Yes,” Jensen replies patiently. “She’s twelve---hang on, she must be fifteen now. I think. I don’t really see her much. In fact, I’ve never met her.”

Jared gapes at him. “What do you mean that you’ve never met her?” Jensen looks right back at him. “Okay well, how come you haven’t invited her to the wedding?”

Jensen scoffs at the mention of the invites. “Oh, let’s see, _who_ was in charge of the e-vites that we sent out?”

“Don’t change the subject, Jensen,” Jared says. “I just don’t understand how you can drop a bombshell like that like you’re telling someone that you have a _sixth_ toe on your left foot.”

Out of all the comparisons, Jensen cannot believe that Jared would pick that one.

“I would treat you to dinner and flowers before unleashing that horror on you,” he states. “And even then, I’d only be showing you the before and after pictures of the surgery.”

“You’re changing the subject again.” Jared looks a little perturbed and Jensen hides a smile.

“Hey, you’re the one who brought it up!”

~

[Text 2](http://i.imgur.com/1RAgO2E.png)

~

Jensen’s in some kind of art store with Danneel. The setting doesn’t really matter; he’s shooting a scene with Danneel, and she’s been talking about her boobs for the last five minutes. Jensen has never wanted to stab himself with a fork as much as he does now. He knew that those glasses of wine they had with their lunch was a bad idea. Damn Danneel and damn it being five pm somewhere. Surely that reasoning is getting kind of old now?

“You know what?” Danneel says as she attempts to set down a ceramic dog. “Haters can suck it. So these aren’t my real boobs? Who gives a fuck?”

“Uh-huh,” Jensen says, texting Jared the words ‘SAVE ME’ five times in very quick succession.

“They should know that there are dark forces at work on this earth,” Danneel continues. “Like gravity. The second you hit thirty, BAM – gravity comes out to play. Everything goes downhill from there. Down. Hill.”

“Gravity is more of a, uh, physical force, not a spiritual one,” Jensen says. He’s not sure.

Science has never been his strong point.

“Oh who died and made you Isaac Newton?” Danneel says. Jensen has no idea who that is. “He started this whole mess when he discovered gravity and—“

Jensen is thankful that Jared picks that moment to call. “Save me,” he says before Jared can get a word out.

“I take it that you’re not going to give her two hundred thousand dollars?”

“Two hundred _thousand_ dollars?!” Jensen echoes. Beside him, Danneel freezes and her mouth snaps shut.

“Yeah, I hadn’t gotten to that part yet,” she says. “I need some cash.”

“Trees. Gravity. Get printing,” Jensen says.

“Is that a yes or a no?” Danneel asks.

“I was wondering the same thing,” Jared remarks in his ear.

Jensen sighs.

~

Rejecting Reality 4: Facing Reality

So the wedding spinoff happens. That’s all Jensen really has to say about it. If he was summarising it in episode order it’d go something like this.

 **Episode 1** : Jared wants to buy an out of state wedding cake and fly it in first class. Jensen is grumpy.

 **Episode 2** : Bachelor’s Night. Jensen is grumpy.

 **Episode 3** : Bachelor’s Night continued. Jensen is still grumpy, but now also a little drunk.

 **Episode 4** : They realise that they forgot to order the wedding rings. Jared is freaked out. Jensen is grumpy.

 **Episode 5** : Wedding Day! Jared is AWOL, and Jensen is grumpy.

 **Episode 6** : Wedding Day! Again. Jared’s shown up. They start getting married. And then half way through the ceremony this happens:

_“Not to interrupt or anything,” a woman’s voice calls. “But I have a delivery for the happy couple.”_

_“Oh that’s nice,” comes a younger sounding voice. “I’m a **delivery** now.”_

_“You were back in the day, kid,” the older woman replies. “Twelve hours of labour. I’m pretty sure that my—“_

_“Uh, excuse me,” Jensen says eventually. “But we’re trying to get married here. Who the hell are you?”_

_“Ask your dad, honey,” the woman says. Every single person turns to look at Jensen’s Dad, who’s busy hiding behind the (very expensive to print) wedding programme._

_“So…I might have had an affair once upon a time,” his dad says. Jared snorts and Jensen turns to glare at him. “And one thing led to another and voila. Love child.”_

_“Yes, dad, we already know that you have a damn love child,” Jensen says. “We didn’t get the memo about you inviting it.”_

_“ **We** had no idea that there was a secret sibling,” Jared mutters sarcastically. _

_“I’m not an ‘it’, man,” the young girl says. “Nobody treats me with any damn respect.”_

_“Anyway, she keeps on asking about her Dad’s side of the family, so I thought I’d bring her here. Keep her as long as you want,” her mother says. “I’ll catch you later. Actually wait, I’m not one to pass up on an open bar so I’ll see you all at the reception.”_

Needless to say, Jensen remains grumpy.

~

Three months later and the whole interrupted wedding thing is a distant memory. Jensen’s happily married to Jared and everything is going perfectly.

“Perfectly?” Chris says when they meet for a beer. They’re discussing season 4, and namely how Jensen didn’t realise that the contract for the spin-off was also a contract for the fourth season.

“Yes,” Jensen says brightly. “Everything is great! Wonderful, amazing, dazzling…great.”

He runs out of adjectives after that.

“So, I take it that Jared’s not happy about season four?” Chris says smugly.

“He wanted to go out and spend some time at the other restaurant,” Jensen says. He curls his lips upward in distaste. “That’s pretty irresponsible of him, because they say that the first year of marriage is the hardest.”

Chris snorts, “Now _that’s_ a lie.” Jensen concedes the point. Mostly because he never made it a year with Tania and the last years with Danneel were like swimming in a river of shoes, and ducking after said shoes had been aimed at his head.

“Would this be the same restaurant that you’re thinking of buying out from under him?” Chris asks. “Because he won’t be happy about that either.”

“I am not doing a long distance thing with anyone,” Jensen says. “I don’t care how much it costs me. Not that he accepted my last offer. Dammit.”

“Maybe you could just _talk_ to him.”

“Now, Chris, when has talking ever solved anything?”

~

For all of Jensen’s faux bravado, he does actually plan on planning to talk to Jared. Hey, it’s a start. The only problem is Jared himself. He’s been off ever since they got married and Jensen doesn’t know why. Okay, so he was pissed about the sister thing but they pretty much covered that. And then there was the whole _actually_ giving Danneel two hundred grand thing, but that was all sorted out. So Jensen gears himself up and attempts to talk to Jared. In front of the freaking _Bravo_ cameras which are here way ahead of schedule.

Typical.

Anyway, he’s about to start when he notices that sitting in front of Jared is a piece of paper. It has the restaurant offer on it and Jared’s got a very angry expression on his face.

“Why are you trying to secretly buy my restaurant?” Jared asks, in that tone he uses when he doesn’t want anyone to know how angry he is.

“Because I don’t want you flying out there every two weeks or month or whatever,” Jensen blurts out.

“You don’t _want_ me to?” Jared says. “You’re not the boss of me; you can’t tell me what to do.”

“Yeah well, I’m not doing any long-distance crap with you,” Jensen says. “That’s exactly why my first two marriages failed. We were never around each other.”

“Uh, no, they failed because you were lying to yourself, Jensen,” Jared snaps. The room goes strangely silent, even with the hustle and bustle of the camera crew. The comment stings like something else and Jensen does his best to push the building hurt down. Jared’s face softens and Jensen can practically see the apology on his tongue but he doesn’t want to hear it.

“Yeah, maybe,” he says. “But they also failed because we never talked. Just like you and me never talk. We didn’t talk about what we’d do once we got married, we didn’t talk about our futures, if we wanted kids, whatever the hell else we were supposed to talk about. And on top of that you’ve been giving off a weird vibe since we got back from our honeymoon and I’m just _done_.” The words are out before Jensen can censor them and he looks up at Jared’s gasp. A part of him feels a sense of triumph at Jared’s reaction but the other part is wondering if he has lost his damn mind.

“What do you mean _done_?” Jared says as Jensen gets up and starts walking out of Jared’s upstairs office. “Jensen, get back here.”

“Nope,” Jensen says childishly, walking backwards into the hallway and shrugging his arms up. “I’m going to go and lie to myself some more.” He takes some more steps back and kind of forgets that he means to go down the stairs.

Things go black pretty soon after that.

Well. Kind of.

Jensen opens his eyes two seconds later to find that he only really fell about two steps. Jared is hovering above him with concern on his face and Jensen sighs.

“Can we call a truce for now?” he asks.

“Of course,” Jared agrees. “Truce.”

Jensen can only imagine how _Bravo_ will edit this particular footage.

~

They’re arguing again two days later over space on their DVR of all things. Jared’s pissed that Jensen’s taken up all the space on the one in their bedroom with Mexican _telenova_ ’s and Jensen’s pissed that Jared doesn’t just go and record whatever crappy sports games he wants on one of their other DVR’s.

“Maybe I want to watch the game in _bed_ ,” Jared says. “You ever think of that?”

“Who watches sports in bed?” Jensen asks. “No one.”

“I gotta say that I’m with Jensen on this one,” Danneel says from across the kitchen counter where she’s sipping orange juice absentmindedly and pretending to read the paper.

“Not to be rude or anything, but why are you even here?” Jared snaps. Jensen glares at Danneel. Now he’s never going to hear the end of this. He was going to tell Jared that she needed a place to stay right after sex because that’s when Jared is at his most agreeable. Of course, they didn’t actually get to sex because Jared doesn’t understand that Jensen has a very important routine that involves waffles, Mexican television and his memory foam mattress.

“Remember Matt?” Danneel says. Jared nods. “Well we broke up. He went to Tibet to _find himself_. And actually, I think he liked Jensen better than me anyway. But yeah, he was paying most of the rent and I kind of got evicted because I was paying no rent.”

“Didn’t we just give you two hundred thousand dollars?” Jared retorts incredulously.

Danneel has the decency to look slightly ashamed. “Yeah…I had a lot of outstanding bills. Sorry.”

“Great,” Jared says to himself. “Not only is my husband a Mexican telenova-watching liar, I have to live with his ex-wife!”

“Hey, hey,” Danneel says in an affronted tone. “Jensen bumped me up to best friend status three months ago. I was his maid of honor!”

“You and _Bravo_ actually insisted on being that,” Jensen points out. “I didn’t ask.”

“Shut up, Jensen!” Jared and Danneel speak in unison and Jensen is reminded once again that he hates his life.

~

The thing that Jensen hates most about when his parents fight is that they always call him and try and get him to play referee. It sucks. And also _Bravo_ will air this shit just to humiliate them. They’re at lunch and his mom is bitching about Hayley who she refers to as “The Lovechild” for whatever reason.

“Look, all I’m saying is that I can’t work things out with your father while The Lovechild is staying with us,” his mom says. “We don’t want her to run away or anything sordid like that.”

“We also don’t want her to hear you calling her ‘The Lovechild’”, Jensen adds. His dad gives him a dirty look as he squirms in his seat uncomfortably. Jensen wonders why his dad couldn’t just keep it in his pants. “But I don’t see what this has to do with me.”

“Well…” his dad says slowly. “Hayley and her mom are still at odds with each other and all our other family is too far away, so…we were hoping that she could stay with you and Jared. Just for a few weeks.”

Jensen sighs. It’s his default action these days.

~

A week later, Jensen finds himself waking up at the crack of dawn so he can drive his sister to college.

“It’s 11am,” she points out. “It’s almost _lunchtime_.” Jensen’s only known her since the wedding but they get on great. They’d both agreed that they weren’t in the mood for any getting to know each other activities so they were both willing to act like they had known each other for a long time. It worked for them.

“Why can’t you live in a dorm like a normal person,” Jensen whines as he props his sunglasses on top of his head.

“Because dorms are expensive,” Hayley says. “And also my mom is really clingy. Apart from when she’s giving me the silent treatment.”

“No, she’s still clingy,” Jensen replies. “She’s called me like fifty times since you moved in.”

Hayley sighs. “See what I have to put up with? Anyway, speaking of ball and chains…has Jared forgiven you for not running the whole ‘ _my brat of a sister and ex-wife are moving in with us’_ thing by him first.”

“Aw yeah, you know you’re a brat,” Jensen says with a grin, which is then replaced by a frown. “No. But he’ll come around eventually. I think he’s just stressed about work, it’s not like him to freak out over something like this.”

“Danneel and I are going out to catch a movie later, so maybe the two of you can work things out then?” she says. Jensen doesn’t even question the fact that she’s tight with Danneel all of a sudden. The two of them conspiring together is a scary, scary thought.

~

 _Bravo_ insists that they do a couples-day and Jensen finds himself dressed in tennis wear. He’s sure that he looks like a dork but Jared’s ass looks great in the shorts so he doesn’t mind too much. Jared is still a bit pissed off so Jensen’s great that it’s not a one-on-one thing. He could do with some company. The cast members of the show this year are Genevieve Something and her husband Jeffrey Dean Morgan (who Jensen may or may not have had a year-long fling with – okay, he _definitely_ did.), Cindy, Chris and Danneel, Alona and Aldis, and a new member called Katie (apparently an ex of Aldis’), who is in the middle of a divorce with some NFL line-backer called Justin Hartley. Sterling quit because of a contract dispute, according to the debriefing than Jared’s sister and Hayley gave Jensen a few days ago.

“Do you even know how to play tennis?” Danneel asks Jensen when they’re lining up on the court. He and Jared are playing Danneel and Chris first.

“How hard can it be?” Jensen says with a shrug.

“One would not believe that he owned a gym,” Jared says. He even smiles at Jensen a little. Jensen rewards him with an unnecessarily long and drawn out kiss.

“Ugh, get a room,” Danneel says with mock-disgust. Jensen flips her off and kisses Jared again.

~

Jensen and Jared are thrashed _royally_. It turns out that Jensen doesn’t understand tennis at all, and while Jared is the more athletic one, his giant limbs and everything don’t really mesh well with trying to whack a tiny green ball. Danneel and Chris end up winning the small trophy that Alona and Aldis brought along with them on account of it being their tennis club.

“All of those lessons at mine and Jensen’s old tennis club paid off,” Danneel says. “Or well _my_ club. Jensen just paid for it.”

“You must really miss being a trophy wife,” Genevieve says with a sweet smile. Jeff laughs a touch too loudly as he carefully avoids Jensen’s gaze. He’s been doing that all day.

“What is up with him?” Jared murmurs when they’re making their way back to the cars. “Did you two hook up or something?”

Jensen coughs. “Yeah. For like a year. Possibly while he was married.” Jared gapes at him. “So he’s the guy that you. Uh…after Danneel outed you?”

Jensen nods. “…are you cool with that?” he asks.

“Of course I am,” Jared says. He hip checks Jensen. “Though I will kick his ass if he tries anything.”

“And are we okay?” Jensen says. “I know that you’re not really mad about Danni and Hayley.”

“Yeah, we are, and yes, you’re right. Work has been really tense lately. Adrianne has been a total bitch ever since the wedding.” Adrianne is the infamous ex who left Jared at the freaking altar. Jensen can count the number of times Jared’s mentioned her on one hand.

“Why?” Jensen asks. “She’s not jealous is she?”

“She’s pissed because I didn’t invite her.”

“She left you at the altar! She would have been a wedding jinx!”

Jared raises a hand as if to say _I know right!_ “Exactly! That’s what I said to her but she’s in a mood. It’s really harshing my mellow, man.”

“Firstly, never say ‘harshing my mellow’ again,” Jensen replies. “And secondly, why don’t the two of you just talk things out. You’ve moved on, she’s moved on…y’all need to patch things up and find a way to co-exist.”

Jared gives him a soft smile. “Aww, husband and counsellor rolled into one package. I really lucked out when I married you.”

“Can you two please give it a break,” Chris says with a frown. “Stop infecting the rest of us with your cuteness. Please.”

~

After they leave the tennis club they have dinner. It’s meant to be more of a getting to know Genevieve and Katie dinner than an actual pleasant dining experience, so Jensen makes sure that his wine glass is never empty. All he manages to pick up is that Genevieve is an out of work personal trainer and Katie is an actress.

“Oh hey, Jensen owns a gym,” Alona says. Jensen wishes that she would shut her big mouth for once. “Maybe you two can work something out later. Oh and Katie, Jensen is also an actor. Maybe he could hook you up. Jensen, you can do all that right?” Jensen sighs. Although he and Alona had patched things up, she’s pissed at him because of an interview he gave a while back. They totally misconstrued his words but she refuses to let it go and Jensen doesn’t care enough to beg for her forgiveness.

“Thanks but I wouldn’t work for him if he was the last man on earth,” Genevieve says in a mock-sweet voice. The table becomes eerily silent as everyone turns to look at Jensen.

“That’s kind of harsh,” Katie says. “Didn’t you two just meet? What’s he ever done to you?”

“Uh, honey, maybe we should give Jensen a chance,” Jeff says quietly as he dabs a napkin at his forehead. Yeah, he better be sweating over there, Jensen thinks.

“He almost destroyed my marriage,” Genevieve says. “That’s what he did.”

Cindy looks between Jeff and Jensen and says, “You mean…Jensen and Jeff hooked up? Is there video of this? I mean, I don’t condone cheating and infidelity and all of that shit, but I would not be averse to watching them go at it. In any form. Even a grainy camera phone video.”

“Oh Cindy, I don’t know why we’re not better friends,” Danneel says. “Let’s grab lunch tomorrow, sweetie.”

“I would love to,” Cindy says.

“Ooh, can I come?!” Katie asks excitedly. They begin to giggle amongst themselves while Jensen sits there and prays for the ground to swallow him up.

~

The next time they hang out for the show is at a charity benefit that Alona is hosting. Jensen has no idea what the charity is, because he zones out approximately ten seconds into her speech and fields about ten blank text messages from his Mom, who is clearly still having trouble with her new cell phone.

He’s so busy not doing anything that he misses Jeff coming up to him. Jared is somewhere near the food table, so Jensen has no option but to acknowledge Jeff’s presence.

“Hi, Jeff,” he says when Jeff nods at him. “How’s it going?”

“Not too bad,” Jeff says. “You?”

“I’m good. How’s Genevieve?”

“Oh, she’s great. How’s…” Jeff trails off.

“ _Jared_ is fine,” Jensen says, annoyed that Jeff can’t even remember Jared’s name. While Jensen would call Jeff an old friend, he can’t remember them doing much talking back during their fling. Jeff helped Jensen figure out a lot of stuff in a _physical_ manner and that was pretty much the extent of their relationship. It is probably why this whole interaction is so very awkward. They’re spared from talking any more by the sudden commotion near the bar. Jensen looks up to see Genevieve and Alona arguing and gesticulating wildly at each other.

“Oh boy,” Jeff murmurs under his breath.

“You slept with her too?” Jensen asks in disbelief.

“It was more of a kiss. Under mistletoe at a Christmas party,” Jeff explains. “But Genevieve is very possessive of me.” Jensen raises his eyebrow at that comment but he doesn’t reply. He watches as the two women continue to argue. Within minutes Alona is tugging at Genevieve’s hair. Genevieve reaches out and yanks Alona’s necklace off.

“Shouldn’t someone intervene?” Jeff asks, as if it’s not _his_ wife up there making a fool of herself.

“Don’t worry _Bravo_ will make sure that they don’t kill each other,” Jensen says with a shrug. He watches as security hovers around them and takes a long sip of his drink.

~

Danneel is not in a good mood when she gets back from her Girls Night Out with Cindy and Katie (and Alona and Genevieve because _Bravo_ ruin _everything_ ). Jensen’s curled up with Jared on the couch when she gets back and storms through the house despite the fact that she’s staying in the pool house, which has its own separate entrance and everything.

“What is Alona’s problem!” she yells as she paces in front of them. Jared extricates himself from Jensen and exits with a look that says _she’s your ex-wife, you deal with her_ and a “Later, dudes.” Jensen flips him the bird and mentally vows to withhold sex for at least a day. Danneel flops down in Jared’s recently vacated spot.

“Do you mind?” Jensen grumbles. “I was kind of having a relaxing evening with the hubby.” He winces at his own use of ‘hubby’.

“Please never say hubby again,” Danneel replies.

Jensen nods in agreement. “I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth.”

“She’s just so annoying,” Danneel resumes her rant. “She started in on me about the fact that I don’t have a job or my own place. Apparently having to live with an ex is the very definition of rock-bottom! I mean…what the hell does she know?”

“Well, if she’s wrong, you’ve got to prove her wrong,” Jensen says. “Get a job, a place – sort your life out.”

“Where the hell am I supposed to get a job,” Danneel sighs. “I have no qualifications, no actual skills…I’m useless.”

“That’s not true,” Jensen says. “I seem to remember you being very good at a certain something…”

“Sex?” Danneel says brightly.

“Considering the fact that I think vaginas are gross, that’s a pretty poor guess.”

~

“This is just…not fair,” Danneel says. “I mean, yes I give a _mean_ massage but working at your sweaty, gross gym? Ew.”

“Do you want Alona to rag on you every time you go to dinner?” Jared says from where he’s perched on the massage table.

“No,” Danneel pouts.

“Then suck it up, kiddo,” Jared replies. She sighs again. Jensen is busy talking on the phone with Chad, who’s letting him know what roles are available.

“Bad guy, generic bad guy, bad guy with a heart of gold, good guy, good guy, boring good guy, deadbeat dad, bad guy with a heart of gold—“

“I’ll take the deadbeat dad,” Jensen says, because that’s at least a role that he hasn’t done before. “What’s the gig like?”

“You don’t have to audition, it films here in town and you get a four episode arc,” Chad says.

“Sign me up, oh great one,” Jensen says sarcastically.

“So…” Chad replies conversationally. “How are things with Jared? And your ex-wife, and your kid sister? And the guy who you fucked for a year – oh and his wife? How’s life, Jensen? Huh?”

“Goodbye, Chad.” Jensen hangs up and texts Chad a _fuck you_.

~

Jensen next finds himself at some boutique opening. He's not sure which girl is opening the boutique but at this point, it doesn't really matter past the drink in his hand which Jared steals from him as he walks past. Jensen pouts.

"It's ten in the morning," Jared says as he confines the drink to a passing tray.

"It's never too early when we're around these people," Jensen sighs. He turns to glare at the cameraman who's dangerously close to him. Seriously, whose idea was it to hold this event so early anyway? And why are they here?

"You should probably start reading the scripts," Jared says when Jensen asks him. Jensen rolls his eyes. He's found that he doesn't need to bother, drama will occur either way. Before he can ask Jared to give him a brief lowdown, he spots Alona heading this way.

"I didn't really think that clothing boutiques were your thing," she says when she reaches him. "Or is this part of another cover up story with Aldis?" Jared snorts and Jensen holds back a sigh. He decides to handle this calmly and reasonable.

"Last week, he said that he was coming over to your place to watch a game. Is that true?"

Jensen frowns. "No, but. Wait, why are you asking me?"

Alona glares at him. "Because you seem to see him more than I do! You should be ashamed of yourself, you know. He has a _daughter_ at home that he's supposed to be raising."

"Okay…" Jensen replies. "Maybe you should have this conversation with him?"

"I'm having it with you." Alone glares at him.

"Uh, Jared, a little help here?"

"Alona, I'm not sure that Jensen can help you out with this issue," Jared says. "We haven't hung out with Aldis for a while."

Jensen can almost _hear_ the way Alona zooms in on that comment and decides it's time to tell Jared to hit the showers; he’s done with the scene.

"Jared, maybe you should go get us some drinks." That turns out to be the wrong thing to say. They're still at a weird place and he probably shouldn't have asked Jared to step in, but this is what happens when he has to socialise with these people before midday.

“Alright, whatever, I’m done,” Jared says coldly. “See you at home.”

Sometimes Jensen really hates his life.

~

Jensen next sees Jared when he meets up with Aldis and some of the others for a drink the next day. He finally reads the script and almost chokes when he reads that Aldis is going to be confronting _him_. He’s not sure why Jared’s even here, but he supposes that he has Mark to thank for that.

“You didn’t come home last night,” he says accusingly. “Thanks for letting me know where you were. Oh, wait. You didn’t!”

“I didn’t really feel like tripping over your ex-wives,” Jared retorts. “You seem to enjoy moving them in.”

“If you have a problem, then just tell me! Don’t expect me to guess!” Jensen looks over to see Katie whispering something into Aldis’ ear and suddenly realises just how _close_ they are. Aldis chuckles softly and leans in to respond, seemingly not caring that this is all on fucking camera. This was _not_ in the script. He wonders if Aldis has lost his goddamn mind.

“Aw, are you guys fighting?” Cindy chimes in from where she’s sipping on her martini. Jared huffs beside him but Jensen doesn’t really think that’s the most important question of the night.

“I think we should ask Aldis and Katie when they started fucking each other,” he says angrily, snorting when they both have the nerve to look shocked. “Nice work by the way, using me as your cover.”

“Are you really talking right now?” Aldis says. “Does Jared know that you had an affair with Jeff?” This wasn’t in the script either and Jensen wants to laugh. He has so much dirt on Aldis that it isn’t even funny. That whole vow renewal last season? It was production’s idea, and Aldis only went through with it to make himself look good. Jensen smiles to himself as he contemplates revenge.

“He tells me everything,” Jared says tersely. “And I suggest you shut your mouth before I shut it for you.” They leave soon after that, with Aldis and Jared trading a few more verbal blows as Jensen watches on in despair.

And that’s how the season alliances pan out. Jensen’s in a standoff with Aldis, and a sort of alliance with Alona. He’s arguing with Jared. He’s arguing with Katie. Cindy is neutral (though he tells her to pick a side if she wants a job next season - _Bravo_ doesn’t like _neutral_ ). The only people who seem to have his back are Danneel, Chris and Jeff. Jared’s sort of got his back but Jensen’s still trying to figure out the mess he’s made of their new start together.

Instead of trying to sort his own life out, he ends up babysitting Tania’s kids because he can’t say no. And well, because he’s trying to get some practise for his deadbeat dad role. It made sense at the time, but now that he's covered in apple juice and other substances, he wonders what the hell he was thinking.

“Why are we babysitting Tania’s kids again?” Jared asks from where he’s removing play dough from his shoes. “I thought you hated kids.”

“Well, I’m kind of like, their uncle.”

“You’re an idiot,” Jared says and Jensen sighs wearily.

“Yup, I’m that too.” Things have been a lot easier with them since Danneel moved out. He eventually manned up and put her in a condo he’d been leasing to his former spiritual healer (who informed him that the FBI were after her for fraud and then skipped town for brighter days in Panama, leaving Jensen with the perfect solution for his problems).

“Seriously, what are they doing here?” Jared asks in a tone that tells Jensen that he better give him a serious answer.

“I don’t know, she had to go shopping or something and Rich is out of town,” he says honestly. “And it gives me a reason not to socialise with the whole...gang. That Genevieve is out for _blood_.” They’d all gone out for dinner the previous night, at her behest, and everyone got a post-dinner drink except for him. The dirty look she gave him as she made her toast told him that it was done on purpose.

“Maybe you should confront her,” Jared says. “Without Jeff hovering around.” Bizarrely enough that’s not a dig. Jared and Jeff get along so well that Jensen’s not sure if he wants them to. On one hand, it’s great that it isn’t awkward, on the other, it’s not like Jeff’s the kind of guy who stays faithful, and as it turns out Jared is about to confirm is suspicions.

“Though you might need to confront him as well,” Jared add slowly. “He got a little handsy in the limo last night. He was drunk, but well, yeah. It happened.” Jensen literally sees red for a few seconds before he realises that he’s still on camera. He smiles wanly.

“Maybe we should have Genevieve and Jeff over for dinner.”

~

The dinner goes something along the lines of this:

"So, Genevieve, what do you do for a living?" Jared asks politely as they eat the dinner that Jensen painstakingly prepared. Hiring a chef is no easy feat, that's for sure. He's been quiet for the most part; they all have. It's hard to strike up a conversation when saying the wrong thing might end up having very bad consequences.

"Right now I'm very focused on my charity work," she says. Jensen snorts, his wine going down all wrong and stinging his throat.

"You mean the ones that you've been defrauding?" he asks. Yes, he promised Jared that he'd be nice and yeah, he's probably going to be edited to look like a douche, but if he's getting the villain role this season, he might as well do it justice. Genevieve thinks she can run around town telling people all sorts, well, she hasn't seen anything yet.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Genevieve says, her face turning an uncomfortable shade of red. "Did I mention that I loved WizAlien? You were really good in it."

Jensen's not going to be deterred by her bullshit compliment though, he's got some tea that he needs to spill and he's going to do it. Despite the fact that Jared is currently kicking him under the table in an attempt to get him to not do it.

"You spent a year in jail didn't you, for, what was it? Conning your church out of a very large amount of money." Jeff uses his napkin to wipe his forehead and downs his glass while Genevieve's face turns white.

Jensen smiles at them. "Anybody want dessert?"

~

Surprisingly that stunt puts him back in Jared's good books, though if Jensen thinks about it, his husband has never been that good at withholding sex. Anyway, he decides to go one step further and throw an 'I'm Deleting All of My Mexican Telenovela Episodes from the DVR' party.

"No," Mark says. "You can't have this party on air." Jensen does not understand. They all have dumb parties for dumb shit. Just the other day, he went to an opening for a boutique that probably does not exist. He doesn't see what the problem is. They can even make it a pillow party type of thing.

"Look, this show. What kind of people do we have on this show?" Mark asks.

Jensen frowns. "A bunch of fame hungry, tax and child support owing bunch of adults who really ought to know better?"

Marks throws his hands up in the air in exasperation. "No! Actually. Wait. That's fairly accurate but still. This show is supposed to be about the lifestyle of the rich and wannabe famous! You don't wipe shit off your old DVR, you get a new one!”

And that's how his party turns into a glorified sleepover.

~

They decide to do the vacation before the DVR party, because someone fucked up and booked their flights to Australia a month early. Jensen films a scene with Danneel at some frozen yoghurt shop that Jared wants to go into business with. He's still not sure how good things are with Jared right now. At the moment there's been more good days than bad days, but when you're filming a stupid reality show shit can get real pretty quickly.

"Do we really have to go to Australia?" Jensen whines as he pushes his parsnip-fudge covered ice cream around in his bowl. The flavours are kind of weird in this place. "It should be illegal to travel with a bunch of savages that hate me." Okay, so his ongoing feud with Genevieve is pretty much his fault. That doesn't explain why Katie and Cindy are mad at him. Aldis and Alona are just pissed that he's not ready to play a part in their shitty storyline and Chris is doing his own thing this season. It’s pretty obvious that they’re dragging his ass to Australia just to tell him how much he sucks.

"Well with any luck, they'll leave the takedown until the last day," she says. Her iPhone buzzes and she picks it up. He watches as her eyes widen and seconds later she's shoving it in his face.

"You might want to call Chad," she says. "Or your publicist. Or your travel agent. Either way this is not good." Jensen ignores her as he reads the TMZ article. He snorts afterward and hands her back her phone.

“I’m not calling anybody,” he replies. “That is _not_ my ass.” Danneel yanks her phone up and zooms in on the pictures. After a few minutes she looks back up at him.

“So, whose ass is this?” she asks, like he’s supposed to know. All he knows is that it isn’t his and that Genevieve has overstepped the mark this time. “And why do you have that look on your face?”

“What look?”

Danneel raises an eyebrow. “The one that says ‘I gave away all of your Chanel purses because you pissed me off.’”

Jensen huffs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

After frozen yoghurt with Danneel, he heads over to Jared’s restaurant to see if he’s heard about this stupid article. He calls Chad on the drive over.

“I didn’t realise that you had a tramp stamp,” is what Chad says when he accepts the call.

“Shut up,” Jensen grumbles. “Mark’s getting it taken down. Turns out that he is good for something after all."

~

Jared's not there at the restaurant when he gets there but Adrianne is. She's speaking to the staff when she spots Jensen and smiles at him. Technically, they've never met and he's kind of surprised to see how beautiful she is. If he wasn't a hundred percent gay, she'd be the kind of girl that he asked out on a date. Hell, she kind of looks like Tania.

He blinks and shakes his head.

"Uh, hi," he says nervously. Why he's nervous is a mystery to him. Considering that she left Jared at the altar he should be glaring at her but for some reason, she seems too nice for him to do that. "Is Jared here?"

Adrianne shakes her head, blonde curls bouncing in tandem as she does. "I think he's got a lunch meeting somewhere. Some investor or something. He doesn't really tell me anything."

Jensen nods and this should be the point where he leaves but instead he says, "I heard you were upset about not getting an invite to the wedding." The smile on her face falls and Jensen mentally kicks himself. The last thing he wants to do is make Jared's workplace uncomfortable for him.

"Well, I thought he and I were okay and then next thing I know, I'm reading about your wedding on TMZ."

Jensen frowns. "It made TMZ?"

He spends the next hour listening to her ramble on about the wedding, the restaurant and then the show before he finally caves and explains the Australia situation to her.

"So do I travel halfway across the word and let them take me down, or do I dig up my own dirt and take all of them down?"

Technically, this is supposed to be his question to Jared but he reasons that getting an outside point of view might be a better idea. Jared is always obsessing over his 'brand' and not embarrassing themselves but that bridge was crossed a long time ago. WizAlien made sure of that.

Adrianne sips at her glass of champagne as she contemplates his question.

"Well, the adult in me says you should go there, try to have a nice time and smooth things over," she says. "But the reality TV lover in me thinks you should go out there and kick some ass. Take the bitches down!"

There's a short pause as Jensen stares at her.

She blushes. "Sorry. I get over invested easily."

He nods at her slowly. Thankfully Jared picks that moment to show up and Jensen extracts himself from the table quickly.

"It was nice meeting you," he tells her. An idea pops into his mind. "Hey, you should come to our DVR party!" Given that Danneel, Jeff and Tania are coming, it only makes sense to even up the score. He makes a note to ask Chad to locate more of Jared's exes.

"I don't think Adrianne is into the whole reality show thing," Jared says tersely. Jensen coughs under his breath but doesn't argue.

He'll just get Mark to invite her.

~

The flight to Australia is chaotic. The producers make Jensen film his fake late arrival to the airport three times. Apparently, the others have had a conversation about him potentially ducking out of the trip. When he tells Jared this, he gets an eye roll and the distinct sound of fingers tapping on a Blackberry. By the time they're up in the air, he's cranky and hungry and completely annoyed by the fake 'Home video' footage that Cindy is filming. She ditches the camera eventually and he actually has a nice conversation with her. He even finds out that she has a son called Ben and tries not to act surprised she reminds him that he showed up to the kid's birthday party.

Katie joins in and regales them with stories about her ex-husband around about the time that Jared falls asleep on his shoulder. That leads to Katie, Cindy and Danneel giving Jared an impromptu makeover that includes an eyeliner moustache. Jensen laughs along with them uncomfortably because while they're having fun now, he knows for a fact that the trip is going to be a complete nightmare.

He catches Genevieve glaring at him from her seat and he smiles to himself. Let the games begin.

~

Australia is breathtakingly gorgeous. Jensen's not going to deny that. However, he's not prepared for the sheer amount of heat they walk into once the limo drops them off at the house. And he's definitely not prepared for the house situation either.

"So, whose idea was it to get a house?" Jared asks as they are sitting on the lounge chairs in the patio. The pool is directly in front of them, all bright and blue and dangerously inviting. Jared's mopping sweat from his brow and for some reason, Jensen is mildly turned on by it. The cameras are already rolling so he doesn't react the way he usually would. Instead he leans back in his seat and shrugs.

"Probably Alona," he answers. "I think she organised the trip." Jared hums but doesn't answer. It's nice, Jensen thinks, sitting here peacefully without the others chiming in with stories that he doesn't pay attention to. It feels like they don't have a lot of time do this these days.

"Adrianne likes you," Jared informs him. "Said she can't wait for the DVR party. And then refused to listen to me when I tried to disinvite her."

Jensen winces to himself. "Yeah, about that. Sorry. I just wanted to even up the playing field. I mean, we have three of my exes in our lives and I hate that. Don't get me wrong, I know that you're not petty and that you could literally get along with anybody, but it's got to suck."

"Is that why you called two of my other exes and invited them on this trip _and_ to the DVR party?" Jared retorts. Jensen is very glad that his eyes are shielded by shades. "I had to explain to them that you weren't crazy possessive or a potential stalker."

"I don't know how they got that impression. I was calm, cool and collected during both calls. Triple C."

"Triple C?" Jared echoes. "You were _Triple C_? Firstly, I don't understand why you've coined the term but okay. And secondly, you've never been Triple C. You're neurotic, weird and a little crazy. You're my WizAlien and I love that about you. Which is why I'm selling the Seattle restaurant."

Jensen's ashamed to say that he falls off his deck chair in surprise.

~

The first argument breaks out at the spa. It's a couples day type of thing so Jensen's mostly distracted by Jared until lunch comes around and he's forced to interact with the rest of cast. At first, things are going great. He and Chris start an impromptu Rascal Flatts sing along, which goes smoothly until Genevieve cuts in halfway through 'Life Is A Highway' and says,

"Is that what you told yourself while you sleeping with my husband?" The entire group falls silent and Jensen rolls his eyes. He gets it. He's the Other Woman. Or Other Man, whatever. What he did was wrong. However, in a way, he doesn't think that she gets free pass to drag him through the mud whenever she likes. Not when her marriage is only for appearances anyway.

"What did _you_ tell yourself as you were firing your old gardener?" he retorts. "That you'll go back to fucking him once he's finally done with college?" Danneel gasps from where she's sitting across from him and burst into a fit of laughter. Tania doesn't seem to be as amused.

"That's not fair," she argues. "Why don't we just move on from this topic?" It takes everything Jensen has in himself to let that slide. It's like his therapist says, he has to learn to control his impulsive behaviour. And also he promised Rich that he would keep her out of trouble.

Katie snorts. "Isn't your husband divorcing you because _you_ cheated one too many times?" That much is true not that Rich cares. Last time Jensen spoke to him, Rich was on the phone to Radar Online himself. Apparently all of the negative press is good for business.

Jared clears his throat loudly. "Can we just have a peaceful lunch for once, guys? You're causing a scene." Jensen watches as the camera pans to Jared and then the very empty restaurant.

"Oh, no, I'm quite interesting in hearing the reasons behind Katie's divorce seeing as how she's been all over my husband for the past two months." Alona chimes in with her unwanted two cents and as the table descends into a mixture of raised voices and arguing Jensen catches Genevieve smirking at him.

After the dinner scene, they all head up to bed and Jensen spends ten minutes watching Jared send emails on his iPad before he distracts him. Once they're done with that, he turns their attention to more pressing matters: his potential take down.

"Hey, so what am I supposed to do on our last night?" he asks. Jared cracks open an eye and manages to convey his disbelief in expert fashion. "Do I use all of the information I've compiled or do I grin and bear it when they try to take me down."

Jared snorts. "You're being ridiculous. Nobody wants to take you down." Jensen rolls his eyes. Of course. Jared doesn't watch the show past glancing up in between sending of emails. He doesn't know how much strategizing and plotting goes on behind the scenes.

Luckily, Jensen took the liberty of composing a file of all of the dirt he's gathered. Well, Chad composed the file while he dictated. Contrary to Chad's belief, Jensen doesn't pay him to make snarky remarks and mock him relentlessly. He wastes no time in grabbing his carry on and pulling out the folder.

"While they were running their mouths, I was doing my research." Jared takes it from him with a weary sigh.

"Is this a good idea? What you did with Jeff is pretty bad. It might be better to take the L on this one." Jensen is flabbergasted. Mostly because he has no idea what 'take the L' means.

"It means take the loss," Jared explains when Jared asks him. "All of the blogs use it."

Jensen scoffs. "So you can say 'take the L' but I can't say 'Triple C'?" Jared shrugs and busies himself with flicking through the file.

"Well you were very thorough. I'll give you that," he remarks as he turns a page. "Including all of this dirt on Tania. I thought you and her were on good terms?"

"She's looking to get a spot on the show," Jensen replies. "All good terms are now null and void."

Jared hums and continues to flip through the file. Once he's done he turns to look at Jensen and says, "You're getting the villain edit this season anyway. Fuck 'em. We have more money than all of them combined."

Jensen grins. He totally has the best husband ever.

~

By the time the last dinner rolls around, Jensen's grumpy, homesick and seriously in need of some hair product. The humidity and heat of Sydney have combined to make it look like he has a perm. Hell, Jared looks like he's just stepped out of an Eighties music video. They ALL do.

"How is it that none of us vetoed Australia?" Danneel asks while they're making their way to the table. It's another clichéd beachfront affair and Jensen wonders why _Bravo_ couldn't at least pay for them to have dinner *inside* with some fully functioning air conditioning. "We all knew that we would have to endure constant reshoots and a disastrous safari trip. Yet not one of us vetoed it." Jensen doesn't bother to answer her because he's too busy staring at her date.

Who happens to be Matt freaking Cohen.

"What the hell is Matt doing here?" Matt smiles at the mention of his name and opens his mouth to say something. Jensen stops him with a raised hand. "You realise that if it wasn't for me, Danni would be homeless right now. Where the hell have you been?" Matt looks confused but Jensen's not falling for the act. Not this time.

"Oh, Jensen, don't worry, I'm fine," Danneel tells him in the same voice she used to use when she lied about how much her latest shopping spree cost.

There's a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach while he waits for an explanation.

Matt frowns. "Didn't Danneel tell you, I had to go and look after my grandma for a while. She got a hip replacement." Danneel at least has the decency to look ashamed and Jensen would laugh if he wasn't so angry. After everything he's done for her, she's just been using him for a storyline. He shakes his head and stalks past her, ignoring her pleas for him to let her explain.

Jared's smile drops when Jensen takes his seat and he enquires about Jensen's bad mood. Jensen gives him the Cliff notes and pointedly ignores Danneel attempts to catch his eye. When Jeff drops into the chair on Jensen's other side, he wastes no time in growling, "Move."

"This is the last available seat," Jeff tells him. Jensen glares at him for long enough that Chris quickly offers to swap seats. Jensen's glad to have Chris by his side. Though they have hectic lives, it's nice to know that they can just pick up where they left off. He's pretty sure that _Bravo_ has enough footage of the two of them on this vacation for a thirty minute bromance montage. Anyway. Yes. He's currently extremely angry with Danneel, which is throwing him off his whole takedown plan. Fuck. His. Life.

"Dude, what's up with you?" Chris hisses while the others talk amongst themselves.

"I just found out that Danneel has been using me this entire time," he hisses back. "And now I'm pissed."

Chris snorts. "I warned you, dude. You divorced her for a reason, remember?"

"Did you just say that Danneel has been using you for her story line?" Jared chimes in. "You know, I uploaded your file onto my phone, just in case you fluffed up your lines. Do we have any dirt on her?" Jensen knows that Jared means well but right now he just wants his deluxe memory foam mattress, waffles and the sweet sound of his Mexican telenova. He's not proud of his past life. The marriages, the affair with Jeff and the times he decided not to recycle because no one was paying him to do it. However, he knows that he's a changed man now. He has Jared, his family and a newly revived career. All the rest of the cast (minus Chris) have is the show. And if they need to take him down to keep food on their tables, he's not going to stand in their way.

"I'm just going to sit here, enjoy my dinner and make conversation," he informs Jared. "I might as well be the better person." Jared looks concerned but he just nods and puts his phone away. Chris gives his shoulder an encouraging pat.

Once the cameras are ready, their food arrives and they start to talk amongst themselves. Jensen's on edge for the most part, wondering who's going to target him first.

Alona is in the middle of discussing her boutique when Cindy asks about the restaurant.

"The food is so great there," she gushes. "It's a shame that you won't be open for much longer." Jared's fork drops with a clatter and lands somewhere on the floor. The table is quiet as everyone's eyes yoyo between Jensen, Jared and Cindy. Now, Jensen's not got any beef with Cindy. He did tell her to pick a side after all. She's close with Katie and Danneel, so he's not surprised that she's taking shots. He's just shocked that any of them would bring Jared into this when he's been nothing but nice to them.

He glares at Cindy. "I suppose you'd know a lot about good food, what with you once working at Cheetahs. The food there is amazing, right?." Cindy shrugs, though he can tell from the blush on her face that she wasn't expecting him to say that. Her whole storyline is about her professional dancing career anyway, so it's not like he's revealed anything too out there.

"I was just repeating what I heard about the restaurant," she says slowly. "We all know that you've both had some money issues so, you know. We know how it is." Jared loses another piece of cutlery and Jensen leans back in his seat and takes a deep breath.

"And who told you this?" he asks. "Danneel? The same person I loaned two hundred grand, who I let stay in my home and oh, who was it that paid for her to get her breast implants fixed? Also, her brand new condo? I own it. So whatever story she's told you is a lie." Judging by the stunned looks across the table, Danneel has been telling them something else. She's the only one close enough to him to actually spew semi-believable bullshit.

"I didn't know that," Cindy says apologetically. "I must have just misunderstood."

"That's fine," Jensen says. "I know what the plan was. Drag me out here and expose all of my shit but I'm an open book. I'm not ashamed of my life anymore. So have at it. Give it your best shot. And I'll hit you right back because fair is fair."

Unsurprisingly, Genevieve takes the bait. "You're not ashamed that you almost broke a home? That you're a nasty cheater?" Jensen sighs. This again.

"Oh, you know what, Genevieve, how about you drop it with the victim act," Jared snaps. Jensen looks at him in surprise. He wasn't expecting him to interject. Jared is all about staying out of the drama. "We all know the truth about you and Jeff. So just stop pretending. Just a few weeks ago, I had to tell Jeff that, no, I didn't want to fuck him. Maybe you should redirect your anger at the right person."

"He also hit on one of my back up singers," Chris adds. "Luckily, she actually has standards." Jensen turns to stare at Chris and mouths 'do you even have a backup singer?'. Chris shakes his head and shrugs as if to say, 'I just wanted to be included.' Jensen stifles a chuckle.

"Why should I believe any of you?" Genevieve retorts. "There's nothing wrong with some harmless flirting. Sleeping with someone else's husband on the other hand, is very wrong. Say what you like about me but I'm not a cheater."

"Neither is Jensen," Jared snaps, eyes blazing furiously. Jensen is weirdly turned on by it. Well, not weirdly because angry Jared has been known to get him all hot and bothered.

"Definitely not Jensen," Aldis chimes in. Considering that they're not even speaking, Jensen appreciates that and he and Aldis share a nod and brief smile.

"You know what I'm not even going to address you again," Jared says. He directs his gaze at Jeff. "Why don't you tell your wife the real truth about the cute nieces you're always looking after." Jensen clears his throat and wonders just how much his lawyer charges per hour. He has a feeling that he and Jared might need one. Jeff might be an idiot but he probably won't let this slide if the murderous look on his face is any indication.

"How about you go back to pretending that you're actually in love with Jensen," Jeff mutters. "And shut your damn mouth."

"Hey, don't talk to him like that," Jensen growls. He gets a face full of water for his trouble. "Oh, real mature of you, Jeff. Real mature." Jeff flips him the bird and then ends up with a face full of wine. Jensen turns to see Tania looking rather smug and rolls his eyes. Anything for camera time.

"Wait," Genevieve says when Jeff stands up and tries to get her to leave with him. "What's the real truth about his nieces?" Jensen's not sure what kind of messed up relationship these two have but he doesn't want to be in the middle of it. Not anymore. And okay, he doesn't want to be filmed delivering the final blow. The villain edit fucking sucks.

"They're his daughters," Alona informs her. "Their mother is in my spin class. That's what I was trying to tell you at my boutique opening before you ripped my hair out."

Danneel snorts from her spot at the far end of the table. She's been quiet, despite Jensen exposing her a few minutes earlier. He'll deal with her later. "Give it up, 'Lo. We all know that isn't your real hair."

Before Alona can respond, a loud slap echoes nearby, on the account of the microphone attached to Jeff. Genevieve shouts out a few choice insults before she stalks off, leaving a protesting Jeff in her wake. With one last look of disdain in Jensen's direction, he turns to follow her. Jensen can't help himself though and he calls Jeff's name, halting the man in his tracks.

"You know, if you needed money, I could have cut you a check," he says snidely. "Think about that next time you decide to use me as part of your storyline."

Security end up escorting Jeff back to his room.

~

Before the show comes to an end, Jensen has to film a date night with Jared. Basically, they're recapping the Australia trip. He hates these scenes the most. They're pointless and annoying.

"I got served today," Jared informs him thumping. "Apparently I've been spreading vicious lies about Mr and Mrs Jeffrey Morgan." Now that he's had a few days to process everything he is ready to just move on.

"It must have been a cease and desist letter," he replies. "They can't afford to sue us." Jared laughs at that but then actually has the decency to look ashamed. Jensen doesn't really care at this point considering that they all think _he_ 's broke.

They're supposed to move on to Danneel next but Jensen is reluctant. Once he and Jared arrived back at the house and made all of the necessary phone calls, it was obvious that Danneel's actions were all premeditated and deliberate. Jensen's just ashamed that he fell for it despite all the shit she put him through during their marriage. He knows how this is supposed to go. They confront her and make a huge spectacle at the DVR party and then convene in six months to argue about it at the reunion. He just doesn't have the energy. Right now he's trying to decide if he should fire her or not.

"Well, I guess you can," Jared says when Jensen puts this to him. "If what we've been told is true, then she only accepted the job as part of her storyline. She'll walk before she's pushed."

"Or maybe this is all a huge misunderstanding," Hayley adds. Jensen turns to look at her. Truth be told he forgot that she invited herself to their lunch. She's been pleading Danneel's case for the past two days, claiming that it is all a huge mistake. "It's not like any of what she told them was true!" Jared shares a look with him and shrugs. He's upset for Jensen naturally, but in his typical easy-going way, he's already forgotten about the restaurant comment.

"You should learn to stay out of our business and focus on school," Jensen replies, garnering an eye roll from Hayley. She's supposed to be leaving in the next few weeks, back to her mom's place now that they're speaking again. He's actually going to miss her. He shakes his head and snorts at himself. Since when did he turn into such a sap?

"All I'm saying is that it's different for you. You have this perfect life, your career is taking off and she's---"

"In a position to make money because I signed up to do the show and the producers hired her to stir up drama?" Jensen interjects. "That's fine. She saw an opportunity and she took it. I hope she makes a shitload of money. That's it." Hayley sighs at him but she doesn't argue, and when Jared leans over to kiss him, Danneel is the furthest thing away from his mind.

~

Jensen hates therapists. Not the actual people, but their ability to get into deep inner thoughts. It's kind of like being stripped naked short of a cup to cover up your junk. So this marriage counselling isn't really his thing. He goes at Jared's insistence. Half an hour in, 'Call me Miranda' has somehow figured out that he's afraid of how people perceive him.

"Why else would you hide from the world after your second wife outed you on national television?" she asks in a tone that suggests saying 'Duh' might have been what she originally intended.

Jared squeezes his hand and says, "That's kind of how we met. My best friend manages him and I couldn't understand why he'd want to hire a fake boyfriend. And now that I've lived with him, I see it every day and I just wish that he would see that he doesn't have to be that way around me." Jensen does not have a lump on his throat. Nope. And he's not about to tear up on camera - of course this is being filmed because _Bravo_ think people are interested in this shit. All Jensen knows is that it's kind of ridiculous that he's ended up with someone who is the complete opposite of him. Yet, he can't imagine being with anyone else.

~

The DVR party takes place two days after the session. The premise of the party is a little sketchy. First they'll unveil the DVR, watch some humorous skits the cast made when they came to visit Jensen at the production studio where he filmed his deadbeat dad scenes and that will be followed by a quiz of sorts. Jared and Adrianne are providing the food and drinks and there's a booth set up in the large marquee Bravo have set up in the garden. There are some honest to God sleeping bags laid out on the floor and Jensen rolls his eyes. Mark could have at least sprung for some air mattresses.

Danneel is the first to arrive and she has the common sense to stay away from him. He is tempted to tell Hayley to stay away from her but they had lunch with his parents today and his mom openly referred to her as 'The Lovechild' and it was awkward and upsetting for her. Telling her what to do won't help matters much. So he ignores them and goes to find Jared, who's talking to Adrianne by the food booth.

"Oh, Jensen, hi!" she says brightly. "We were just discussing some business. Should I leave you two alone for a while?" Her voice is rushed and he gets the distinct feeling that they weren't discussing business but that's not his problem right now. He nods at Adrianne but doesn't tell her to leave.

"Are Jeff and Genevieve coming?" he asks Jared. "I'm not in the mood for any drama tonight." Technically, they're both required to be there but given that Jeff tried to throttle him last time they were near each other he's being cautious. He doesn't want his sister to be around any of that.

"They're both coming," Jared tells him. "I think Jeff's been warned to keep his distance." Jensen sighs. Of course he has.

Ten minutes later, he finds himself being touched up by the make up girl for his apology scene with Danneel. She's called and texted him many times since Australia but he hasn't returned any of them. He just doesn't have anything to say to her.

"Jensen, I'm sorry," Danneel says once the cameras start rolling. She's got a skinny girl margarita in her hand and she's wearing a sundress and the jewellery set he paid his assistant to buy her on their first wedding anniversary. That's part of the problem right here. She could have come over to the house to apologize but it wasn't part of the script. This is and apparently, that's all she cares about. "I shouldn't have shared your personal details with the rest of the group."

He scoffs. "You didn't. You shared lies. You told Alona that my other sister was in rehab." Yes, Jensen has another sister but for the sake of continuity it made sense to just let people assume Hayley is his only sibling. Mostly because his brother and sister want nothing to do with the show.

"And you told Cindy that I used to have a coke habit? Like I'd fuck up my nose with that shit. You of all people know that I have a lifelong fear of rhinoplasty. You told so many lies that I can't even comprehend what you were trying to do."

"I was jealous!" she snaps. "You have Jared and I have Matt and his fucking inspirational bullshit. You have the fancy house and cars and I have nothing. You're actually happy and...it became so clear that you never were with me. All of those good times I thought we had, it was just...acting. Our marriage was just a role and eventually you got tired of it and started to phone it in. Listening to you whine about Jared having to leave is what really pissed me off." She pauses then, giving the cameraman enough time to adjust his angle. Jensen uses the time to take in what she's said.

"Look, Danneel, I'm sorry but that's no excuse," he replies. "I'm sorry that you feel like I didn't try but I did. I tried too hard to make things work but I was lying to myself and we've talked about this before but if it wasn't for you, I'd still be hiding. So I'm grateful for that."

"Jensen, I--" he cuts her off with a firm head shake. He's heard enough.

"I helped you out when you needed it because I felt responsible for you. I was convinced that you were having a hard time because I was supposed to be your provider. All that stupid shit my dad put in my head even though he's in no positive to talk. But you know what I've realised? I've done well by you. To the point where I almost jeopardized things with Jared. I considered you a friend but that stops now. It ends today."

"So what am I to you now?" she asks. She's even managed to squeeze a few tears out. Jensen struggles not to feel sorry for her.

He smiles at her sadly. "My second ex-wife."

Her response is to push him into the pool.

~

Thankfully, the party starts soon after that and Jeff and Genevieve manage to make a drama free entrance. Drinks are flowing and good food is passed around and Jensen starts to think that they might just have a drama free night. Of course that's when Mark hands him the questions for the quiz and pats him on the back. It's one of those stupid couples themed games where he asks a question and each couple answers and from the question atop of the pile, he knows that this won't end well.

"Okay, so the first question is 'What do you think of common law marriages? Do they hold as much weight as legit marriages or are they just a way for couples to have an easy out?" All eyes turn to watch Alona and Aldis who look rather stunned. Jensen glares at Mark who's watching them all with a shit eating grin.

"They don't hold anything," Danneel says with a snort. "It's just a way for a guy to get out of spending money on a decent wedding. Don't worry, 'Lo, at least you're still eligible for child support." Alona stands up angrily and has to be urged back into her sleeping bag by Aldis. Jensen coughs and quickly moves onto the next question.

"The next one says, 'Would you marry someone who's been married twice before or would you stay away and reason that the problem is them and not the former spouses'".

Everyone turns to look at Jared who's got a tub of chunky monkey in his hands. Jensen gives him an apologetic frown but Jared shrugs and says, "Luckily for me, the sex is phenomenal!' Awkward laughter rings out and Jensen moves on to the next question.

"Some couples survive cheating scandals but is having a child with someone else while married a deal breaker or something to work through?'"

Jeff and Genevieve don't even look at each other. Thankfully, Cindy chooses to answer the question. "Well, it'd be a deal breaker for me. Especially with a child to think of. Men like that are not to be trusted." There are murmurs of agreement and Jensen hurries along to the next question.

"'Would you be wary of your significant other socialising with an ex-partner?''

"I wouldn't let it happen in the first place," Alona states. "Why tempt fate?"

Katie frowns. "But Aldis and I were together as kids and you've never had an issue with us hanging out." Jensen places the cards down on the makeshift podium Mark and his cronies set up. He senses drama is about to occur. Given that he's already been pushed into a pool today, he's not about to get into the middle of it.

"And Jared is business partners with his ex-fiancée, right?" Aldis points out. "There's no issue there."

Adrianne narrows her eyes at him. "Are you psychic?" Chris guffaws loudly at that and strums a dramatic chord on his guitar. He's been eyeing her up all night but Jensen refuses to even think about it. He's ready for all of this to be over for another year.

Danneel is slurring at this point but she still has to add in her two cents. "Tania and I get on great." They all ignore her in favour of watching Alona and Aldis, who are having an intense, whispered argument. Unfortunately, Danneel has never quite grasped the concept of social cues. "Give it up, 'Lo. We all know that Aldis didn't tell you because you're a jealous spoilsport."

Alona looks away from Aldis with a dry snort. "Says the woman who is jealous of her ex-husband, even though she almost destroyed his career. You know, your mom is always calling mine and wondering where you went wrong. Maybe next time I'll be the one to tell her."

Mark signals for Jensen to ask the next question and with great reluctance, he picks up the cue cards. Alona and Danneel are still arguing and he feels a tension headache creeping up on him. He puts the cards back down.

He's got an idea.

~

"So, Annabel faked her own death in order to get revenge on Carlos, her drug dealer husband who faked his death in order to evade the cops?" Jared doesn't look impressed. Jensen's just glad that everyone has shut up for five consecutive minutes. Who knew that Mexican telenovas could bring such harmony?

"Shhhh, do you mind. Carlos is just about to find out!" Tania glares at him and Jared blinks at her and holds his hands up apologetically. He drops his head back down to Jensen's shoulder. Jensen can't help the smile that forms on his face. He loves little moments like this, where he can pretend that it is just them and not a group of people that probably hate him and five different camera setups.

"That's not the real Carlos," Adrianne points out. "That's his twin brother Javier. Carlos was killed by that drug cartel two months ago."

As much as Jensen doesn't want to like her, he can't help it. She's awesome.

"Is this going to be a thing?" Jared asks. "The way you and Chris watching Pretty Little Liars is a thing? Because I'd rather you didn’t invite her over for waffles and soap operas in bed." Oh. Right. Yeah, that might be a little bit weird. He reins in his inner jazz hands and turns his attention back to the screen.

"We're wrapping in about a minute," Mark calls out, as he glares at Jensen. Jensen glares right back. The idiot has enough drama on tape for the show.

Chris shuffles in his sleeping bag and pulls out a DVD case. "Do we have time to watch WizAlien."

Mark's eyes light up and Jensen doesn't bother to supress his groan.

~

**The Reunion**

There's a camera hovering inside Jensen's dressing room and he doesn't understand. Jared's there in the corner, with his iPad in front of him as per usual. At this point, Jensen's married to the damn thing as well.

"What are you expecting from the reunion?" Some intern looks at him expectantly and he bites back his sarcastic retort. It's been six months since they filmed that party and honestly, it's always stupid to him that they wait so long to film the damn reunions. At the same time, it does allow for him to see and hear everything he wasn't present for and he has two main targets tonight. Danneel and Aldis. Surprisingly enough, Tania had his back whenever she was filmed with the others.

"I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again and getting some answers," he tells the intern with a bright and very fake smile. "It should be entertaining!" That seems to be the soundbite that they're after because they clear out soon after.

The Reunion goes something like this:

Andy Cohen: So, this season, Jensen finally clashed with his other ex-wife, Danneel. We got a ton of viewer questions about this and Charlotte from Wilmington wants to know why Jensen thought letting Danneel back into his life was a good idea in the first place.

Jensen: Well, I had just sold our old home and I was about to start a new life with Jared. I wanted to leave the past in the past. I thought I was doing the right thing and she gave me little impression that she was untrustworthy.

Andy: You gave an interview stating that she did this as part of her storyline. What made you say that?

Jensen: [shrugs] I was married to her. I know how she thinks.

Andy: Danneel, what do you have to say about this?

Danneel: I’ve apologised to Jensen and Jared and as far as I’m concerned, that’s the end of the matter.

Andy: How’s Matt these days?

Danneel: I don’t have an answer for you, Andy.

Jensen: He dumped her. And then he called me to apologise for the lies that she told.

Danneel: Right.

And it continues in the same fashion. Questions are ducked or not answered at all because it’s all fun and games while they’re acting like idiots on camera, but when faced with their stupid behaviour, that’s when they decided to shut the fuck up.

Typical.

Alona and Aldis try to drag him into their mess but he ignores them. Tania comes on for a pointless segment at the six-hour mark, but it isn’t so bad. Jared emerges to clarify a few things about the restaurant and Cindy apologises to him again. That seems to burst the dam because Danneel erupts into a fit of tears. Not the fake, eye-drop induced tears she did when she was broke and needed money but honest to God tears. He’s actually rather startled and it takes a nudge from Jared to get him on his feet. In all honesty, crying women aren’t really is forte so he mostly hovers around her useless until the assistant producer calls for a break.

They’re in a dressing room when she wipes her eyes and instructs her make-up artist to fix her face. There’s a random man standing in the corner taking notes and Jensen levels a look at Jared, who gives him the usual, ‘ _Hey, she’s your ex-wife_ ’ look.

Jensen exhales deeply and asks, “What’s going on here? Are you actually upset or was that just—“

“Acting,” Danneel interrupts. “That was acting. I booked a Hallmark movie but they were like, we need to see that you can act, so I’ve been sending them the dailies for the show. We actually start filming next week. I just needed to work on my crying.”

“Are you saying that you’ve been _acting_ the entire time?” Jensen asks. He glances back at the guy in the corner. He looks a little familiar.

Danneel nods vigorously. “I mean, yeah. Adam here told me it was on chapter seven of your Acting book – you know, from when you were teaching classes? Become your character!” Jensen blinks at her. Right. He quit acting to direct and teach, before quitting that to go back to acting. He definitely doesn’t remember writing a book.

“Well, technically, I ghost-wrote it,” Adam confirms. “But we did agree on chapter seven. And actually all of the chapters.”

“I don’t remember any of this but I love it,” Jensen says with a huge grin. He really does love it. He’s happy that Danneel is an actor now; even happier that she managed to use him to get there.

“Really?” Jared asks, brow raised as if he knows that this isn’t going to be the end of the matter.

“Yeah, really?” Danneel echoes with a pleased look on her face. Jensen smiles back at her.

“Really,” he says. “And when we’re done with the reunion you can write me a check for two hundred thousand dollars. We’ll discuss the rest of what you owe me at a later date.” He turns away and walks out before she can respond, only pausing to check that Jared is behind him. They’re silent as they walk back to Jensen’s dressing room because there’s a camera crew out there looking to get some interesting shots.

Once the door shuts behind them, Jared clears his throat.

“So….that was interesting,” he says. “She was acting.” There’s a split second before they meet each other’s eyes and burst out laughing. It’s fucking ridiculous and perfect at the same time.

“Not only that, she read an acting book that I supposedly wrote,” Jensen says in between laughter.

“She _became_ her character!” Jared chortles.

Jensen wipes at his eyes. “Oh, god. I can’t. I honestly can’t. Not that there’s anything wrong with Hallmark, but they’re in no position to _demand_ proof of acting ability.”

“They probably did it for the publicity,” Jared replies. “I’m sure she shot some scenes at their studios. Either way, it _is_ pretty funny. You’re not really mad at her are you?”

“No, not really,” he admits. “But it’ll be nice to make her sweat a little. I’ll call her later.”

~

Chad calls him a few weeks after the reunion (at Too Early For This O’Clock) to tell him that _Bravo_ are willing to double his salary for the next season.

“ _This_ season isn’t even over yet,” he says. “And I actually watched the last episode. They made me look like a complete asshole. How did they even get a hold of that conversation I had with Adrianne?”

Chad chuckles. “They’re resourceful. Something which you would know if you read your contracts.” Jensen rolls his eyes. Mark has some nerve to call in with an improved offer. It’s not like he even needs the money or the exposure. However, he has to admit that there’s something about getting paid to eat at fancy restaurants and drink himself silly.

“That’s what I pay you for, Chad,” Jensen retorts. “Look, tell that I’ll think about it. And don’t call me this fucking early again.” He hangs up before Chad can say another word and smiles darkly when his phone lights up almost immediately.

It’s a text from Chad that reads: _Fuck you_.

All in all, Jensen’s not sure about doing another season. On one hand, the show is still a pain in the ass, but on the other, he wants a chance to redeem himself. Also, he and Danneel having a pretty intense feud going on at the moment that would make a great storyline for _her_ because let’s face it – he and Jared are the stars of the show. They don’t _need_ a storyline.

“Hey, if you’re not busy, I need help handing out flyers,” Jared states as he enters the bedroom. Jensen feels a twinge of guilt when he realises that Jared’s probably been up for hours, but not to the point where he actively wants to hand out flyers.

“Can I just tweet about the new restaurant instead?” he asks. “That’s better than flyers! Besides, aren’t you the same invitations?”

Jensen still hasn’t gotten over that.

Jared smiles serenely. “Yes, well, thanks to you introducing Adrianne to everyone – including _Bravo_ , I now have to deal with more cameras because they’ve given her and the restaurant a spin-off.” Jensen grimaces to himself. Despite Jared’s appearing on the first season by choice, he hasn’t been too keen on following seasons, so he clearly isn’t too happy about this.

“So this opening is going to be filmed?” he asks, rather redundantly. Of course it is. Jared nods anyway and Jensen finally drags himself out of bed. “Okay, I’ll hand out flyers. And also, can I be in charge of the design? The layout of the old restaurant burns my eyes each time we have dinner there.” Designing anything is the _last_ thing that he wants to do but he’s decided that he needs to be more supportive and that’s one area where he can help. By finding someone else to do most of the work (but whatever, it still counts).

“I’d love that, and having you there might make this a little bearable,” Jared says with a soft smile. “Maybe we can make it suck enough that they won’t pick the show up for a whole season?”

“Call Danneel and she and I can make sure of that,” Jensen replies. “We know how to screw up a party.”

Jared frowns. “Your mom still hasn’t forgiven you for that by the way. She keeps calling me and asking me what happened to her well behaved baby boy. It’s weird.”

Jensen laughs. “She’ll get over it. And these flyers can wait. Let’s go and get some brunch!” After several attempts to get out of it, Jared finally concedes and leaves Jensen with a kiss and promise that he’ll be back in an hour. He thinks it’s a testament to all of that awful couple’s therapy that they didn’t end up arguing over the invitations or the spin-off. He’s definitely learnt that sometimes he has to compromise and Jared’s learning that he’s married a crazy person, and slowly but surely, their marriage is getting stronger.

He grabs his phone from the dresser and sends Chad a text.

_Thanks for telling me about the cooking spin-off, asshole._

**_Uhm, who hung up on who? That’s right – YOU!! Dumbass. :P_ **

 

_Fuck you **.**_

A door slams and there’s the sound of thudding on the stairs before Jared re-emerges, looking rather flushed.

“Do I need to get you a free gym membership?” he says teasingly. “I might know a guy.” He hasn’t told anyone about the offer he got from a sportswear company to expand his gym into _several_ gyms because he didn’t want it to over shadow Jared’s new restaurant _and_ because he still finds it weird that he’s a businessman and not that out-of-work actor who had a serious addictions to eating Cheetos in his sweatpants. In some ways, he feels like he’s _finally_ growing up and that scares him.

“You’re one to talk, considering that you use the service elevator,” Jared retorts with smirk. “Anyway, I came up here to say that the flyers can wait. Let’s grab that brunch.”

“I’ll get Danneel to bring something over,” Jensen says with a shit-eating grin. He’s probably going to get bored of making her pay off a debt at some point but right now he’s having too much fun with it. “She’s supposed to be coming over here in half an hour to do some cleaning.”

Jared stares at him. “Isn’t that a little bit mean? I mean, we have a cleaner already _and_ Danneel cleaning? I don’t see it happening. She’ll probably do damage to our property and herself.”

“Just last week she tried to put the duster into the dishwasher,” Jensen replies. “Hilarious! Oh and remember that she tried to tell everyone that you were broke? I’m doing this for both of us.” Though, from the undertones of anger in Jared’s voice, he might just have to get his lawyer to draw up a contract soon.

“Right, and the part where she defaced our bedroom wall with YSL lipstick was just fun and games to you?” Jared asks him. He points at the wall facing their king-sized bed. “We have a penis-shaped lipstick graffiti on the wall across from our bed that wasn’t there yesterday.”

Jensen tilts his head to the side as he looks at it. “I don’t know. I kind of like it. It’s anatomically correct at least.” Okay, so maybe he _isn’t_ growing up.

“Fine, jeez, I’ll call off the feud and hey, maybe she can help us with the damn flyers when she gets here,” he says, deciding to just give in. “Hell, I’ll even invite her to brunch. In the meantime, we might as well have sex in front of our penis-shaped lipstick graffiti painting.” He waggles his eyebrows in what he hopes is an inviting manner. He’s pretty sure that his hair is sticking up in a million different directions and that he’s as pale as a snowflake, but whatever. They’re married.

To his surprise, Jared snorts and shakes his head. “I think I’ll pass. Ask me again when you’ve cleaned up Danneel’s phallic artwork.” He’s out of the room before Jensen can respond, leaving Jensen both frustrated at Danneel and _himself._

It figures that he’d be cock-blocked by penis-shaped graffiti.

**TO BE CONTINUED (maybe)…**


End file.
